lists – LaDonnaWitmer

Here’s to New Horizons

mood: list-less | drinking: all done

new_horizons

Everybody and their mother likes to make lists around this time of year. Lists of all the things they loved about 2009. Or hated. Lists of the top songs of 2009, the top movies, the top news stories, the top celebrity meltdowns.

I’m a list lover, too, I’m not going to lie. But this year, instead of looking back at the 364 days behind me, I’m going to look ahead to what’s on the horizon.

So here’s my contribution to the blogosphere’s collection of lists…

Ten Things I’m Looking Forward to in 2010

1. Settling into the new home with Boy and LeeLoo: Unpacking those last few boxes. Building new bookshelves. Sprucing up the backyard. Taste-testing all the neighborhood eateries. Finding new routes to walk to the beach. Discovering a whole host of lovely new things about my new ‘hood.
2. Shooting our new cinépoem: “The Tyranny of the Mirror” is our biggest cinépoem to date, with 8 separate shoots in 8 separate locations and our fabulous ensemble cast of 8 gorgeous ladies (including my very own sister). It’s going to be amazing.
3. Going back to Illinois to see my parents and various and sundry friends: This year was the first year since I’ve moved to California that I didn’t return to my hometown, not even for a quick visit. It was weird. So I plan to remedy that omission in 2010.
4. Getting back into the running routine: I was doing so well there for a couple of years, but the whole house-selling, temporary-apartment-living, house-buying thing kinda messed it all up. Time to get back into the groove.
5. Teaching my nephew new words: He’s two years old now and at that super fun (and dangerous) stage where he likes to parrot everything you say. Fun times for Aunt Lo.
6. Thursday night writing group: More great critiques, more great poems, more great bitch sessions, more great Chinese food. Bring it, girls!
7. Vacationing with Boy: We have a big anniversary coming up, and we’re going to celebrate that milestone in style, come hell or high water. The question is not “if” but “where?” and “when?” (I’ve got Prague on my wishlist, and my passport is itching for some action.) We’ll have to wait and see.
8. Exploring more gorgeous nooks, crannies, and weirdos in this gorgeous city I call home: It seems that every year I find something new here, uncover some previously unknown nugget of awesome about this place. I have no idea what I will discover or who I will meet in 2010, but I’m ready for it.
9. Growing my hair out: Yes, it’s a weird item to include on this list but I just keep whacking my hair off before it reaches the desired length and I swear this time I’m going to curb the impulse to whip out the scissors. Let it grow, let it grow, let it grow.
10. Finding something good in every day: It’s something Boy and I have been trying to do a lot of, a tactic that began out of desperation. In the middle of one of the most difficult years of our lives, we realized that moaning about everything that was going wrong wasn’t making a rough patch any smoother. So we started trying to find something to be grateful for every day, something good in each other, in the people around us, in the smallest, most random happenings. And it works. Not only by making life a bit easier, but by making yourself a lot easier to live with. A good way to go about new beginnings, wouldn’t you say?

Alright. You’ve got my list. How about yours? What are you looking forward to in 2010?

-Lo, who’s also looking forward to all of you lurkers figuring out how to use the comment section.

Finding Gratitude

mood: quiet | drinking: koolaid-tasting vitamin water
us_house

In the spirit of the impending holiday, I’m going to make myself a little list of the things I am grateful for.

I’ve realized recently that I’ve spent the better part of this year griping about all the changes in my life. Time to step back and take a breath and notice the things that haven’t changed, or that have changed for the better.

So. Here they are, off the top of my head: Ten things that make me happy to get out of bed in the morning.

1. Boy. Through good, bad and ugly, he’s always there when I wake up. It’s an easy thing to take for granted in the hubbub of everyday living.

2. LeeLoo. She’s had a tough year, and is coming up on her 12th birthday, which in dog years is rather geriatric. But she’s hanging in there and is always ready with a lick and an eloquent Boxer sigh.

3. Our new home. We’ve only been sleeping under its roof for 10 nights, but it already feels like home. It’s cute, it’s cozy, it’s ours. And at night, you can see the stars so brightly and the ocean thunders so loudly. I feel incredibly lucky to be here.

4. My family. Mom & Dad were here just a few weeks ago, and my sister and I were talking about how weird we are, among most of our friends, that we actually enjoy spending time with our parents. I’m grateful for that kind of oddity.

5. My friends. Recently a small group of good people gathered for chicken pot pie at a cozy restaurant in the Castro to celebrate my birthday, and I looked around the table at all these people who love me–just love me, asking nothing of me in return–and I was overwhelmed with my good fortune to have all these lovely ones in my life.

6. Books. I’ve been reading so many good ones lately. Right now I’m nearly finished with Margaret Atwood’s The Year of the Flood. God, I love books. I love getting lost in another world or being enraptured with the turn of someone else’s phrase. I would be lost without words in my life.

7. New acquaintances. You’re never too old to make new friends, and I’ve made two new forays in that direction recently, meeting Louise, the friend of a friend, and Julie, who took my photo for her art project I live here: SF. I love those unexpected moments when you connect with someone new and think, “Huh. This chick’s pretty cool.”

8. Etsy. Yes, I know, it’s geeky. But this website has opened me up to a whole new world of artists and crafters and seamstresses and amazingly creative people. My sister bought me a Lisa Falzon print off Etsy for my birthday this month and I’m totally in love with it. How else would I have discovered an illustrator in Ireland and have one of her pieces hanging on my dining room wall?

9. Creative outlets. My writing group, first and foremost. The girls in this group rock my face off every time we meet, and I’ve written some things this year that would not have been possible without their input. And then there are the cinepoems. Michelle and I just continue to work so well together and continue to churn out new ideas. We just finished “Homogeneous” and already we’ve got another shoot in the works for December.

10. San Francisco. As I said in my last post, I just really really love this city. It’s a beautiful, weird, wonderful place and I’m so happy that I get to call it my home.

As it turns out, there’s so much to be grateful for, even in the midst of a truly crazy year. And I am, I am grateful. And lucky. And blessed.

And so are you.

-Lo, choosing the bright side.

Shopping List

megalo
Mood: Sniffley
Drinking: Tea

Why do they say you feel “under the weather” when you’re sick?

Something to ponder when I feel up to using my brain again. For now, all I can manage to do is pluck another kleenex from the box and hold it to my Rudolph-colored schnozz. Bleah. Summer colds are the worst.

Since my brain is under seige by snot, I shall take up the challenge by my friend Melissa over at Poet with a Day Job. Here’s a little list of stuff I’ve spent money on lately:

1. THE LAST BOOK I PURCHASED
I just finished The Magician’s Assistant by Ann Patchett, and liked it so much I picked up a used copy of The Patron Saint of Liars.

2. THE LAST FILM I PURCHASED
Er. I had to think about this for awhile. I don’t buy movies very often. But I did purchase Enchanted last month for my parents. I knew my mom would love the story (and the songs) and my dad would love the pratfalls. It’s a sweet movie — Amy Adams is pretty frickin’ awesome in it.
The closest thing to a movie I’ve purchased for myself lately is Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog. I’ll take me any old piece of new Joss Whedon I can get.

3. THE LAST MUSIC OR SPOKEN WORD I PURCHASED
Journey’s Greatest Hits from iTunes. I had the cassette tape back in the day and I’ve only recently realized I never bought it on CD. And, well, Journey is an iPod must-have, especially for long drives.

4. THE LAST SHOES I PURCHASED
This wasn’t on M’s list, but check out these beauties. I’m making up reasons just to wear them.

K. Gotta go blow my nose now…

-Lo, who totally believes in those Kleenex with the moisture beads.

Enjoy the Silence

dream2 Mood: Checked Out
Drinking: Always Tea

Now that it’s over, it feels like a dream.

All those weeks, those months of working so hard. Late nights. Early mornings. Endless lists of things to do. And then just like that, finished.

Not that there’s nothing left to do. There are books to place in stores, poetry readings with my name on the list, websites to reconfigure, there are plenty of things to do. But nothing like the lists I was juggling just two weeks ago.

Because for now, for now I am on vacation. I am checked out. I am not answering the phone. I am refusing to check email regularly. Starting tomorrow, if you order a book, it will take a couple of weeks to get there. Starting tomorrow, if you leave me a voicemail, it might be awhile before I call you back. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be off with my passport in my pocket. Starting tomorrow, Boy and I are going to be blissed out.

It will last just long enough, and then I’ll be back. I’l be back and I’ll tell you all about the reading at Great Overland Books on June 17th and the bookstores in Santa Cruz and the publishing company in Vermont and the Australian DJ who is, right this moment, doing unspeakable things with vox and trax and other mysterious x’s. I’ll tell you all about it.

But for the next little while, I’ll be living the dream…

-Lo, who bought a new plaid umbrella especially for this occasion.

Dribs and Drabs

Mood: Cantankerous
Drinking: Chai Tea

On the train to work this morning, all the strangers looked somehow familiar.

*******

At work, the woman across the hall turns out to be the LOUDEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD…
“Hieeee!!! This is Blanky Blankerson. You have a Happyyyy New Year, Okaaaay??? Bubbyeeee!!”
Silence. Silence would be good right now.

*******

My sister recently discovered the blog of a girl we both went to high school with. The website includes recent photos which are equal parts enthralling and disturbing. Enthralling to see how someone you haven’t seen in umpteen years looks like a more bland and bloated version of their high school self, with flatter hair. Disturbing to see how someone you haven’t seen in umpteen years looks like a more bland and bloated version of their high school self, with the same knee-length Baptist-approved skirt.
She didn’t evolve.
She didn’t change, except to lose the perm and gain a stomach.
She still believes that rock music will send you to hell.
She scares me, a little.
I can’t stop reading between the lines of her blog…

*******

Last Wednesday, on a whim, I paid someone to seize scissors and cut me a bang.
Bang!
On my lunch hour. Now I look like Emily Strange. I’m even dressed in red and black.
Somebody take my picture, quick.

*******

the time must come
when all things fade
like memories of that perfect day

the leaves fall first
and then the shade
soon everything is bathed in gray

everything
but you

you alone stay true
to form and soon, now,
your brilliant blue will finally blow me away

*******

I recently purchased Neil Gaiman’s new book, Fragile Things: Short Fictions and Wonders. I dropped an extra $5 on an autographed copy at Cody’s Books on Stockton. Just so I know that, one time, he held this book, too.
I can’t stop reading it.
Sometimes the simple genius of his words ignites such a fierce depression.

*******

For once, I’m behind the camera and my friends are in front of it. I’m interviewing five of them for a special video project.
Three down, two to go.
They are beautiful and brilliant. Anyone would want to know them, but I?
I am the lucky one.

*******

At a recent holiday dinner, I heard a man with a red moustache say,
“My house belongs to the Lord. And so does my car. So if Jesus wants to take them, that’s okay with me.”
I don’t believe him.

*******

My neighbors stopped by on Monday with their six-month old baby girl. She was dressed in a white hoodie with lamb ears.
Her head smelled like powder and hope.
(Baby heads have a universal smell, like puppy breath.)
I want one of each.

*******

Sometimes I take pictures of myself to try to see how I look from the outside.
The new camera Boy gave me for Christmas is 10 megapixels.
It helps.

*******

Friday night we’re going ice-skating. Outside. In California.
How cool are we?

*******

There’s a guy out there, in Internetland, who wonders if “Daedalus” is about him.
It’s really not.
And never will be. (She says peevishly.)

*******

At the moment, my toes are wearing a fresh coat of Chanel Fire nail polish.
Purchased in Paris. At the Chanel flagship store on Rue Cambon.
But my fingers are entirely naked, and my fabulously firey-red toes are hidden in boots.
Go figure.

*******

Last night I dreamed of kissing a girl.
When I woke up, I couldn’t remember what she looked like.

*******

I was talking with a friend recently about MySpace, and described it as “masturbatory”.
I’m sticking with my statement.
And my profile.

*******

K and I are this close (holds thumb and index an inch apart) to finishing my book.
Funny how the end takes so much longer than the beginning.

*******

-Lo, who doesn’t think Jesus really wants her for a sunbeam.

Brown Paper Packages Tied Up with String

Mood: Lost in time
Drinking: Homemade iced tea

Home again, home again, ziggity zoo.

Boy and I returned from the lands across the sea a couple of days ago, but are still a bit confused as to the date and time. We keep waking up at 5 a.m., bright as new copper pennies. Which is really not cool unless you’re in your 70s or have some legitimate reason for waking up at the crack.

I prefer sleeping a little longer, at least until the sun has made her appearance. I’m still working on that. But it’s a small price to pay for having such amazing adventures as we have had.

Here are just a few of my new favorite things:

Favorite subway ads: Milano has amazingly weird advert posters in their subways. I’m a big fan.
Favorite new H&M model: French actress Emmanuelle Beart, who had me in awe of her extremely sexy ads all over Europe.
Favorite new tattoo artist: Laura Satana, the coolest Parisian, who has her own tattoo shop and gave me my freshest ink stain.
Favorite cemetery ever: Pere Lachaise. And no, I didn’t even bother with Jim Morrison. But I did say hi to Chopin.
Favorite pasta: Spaghetti carbonara
Favorite Italian duomo: Milano
Favorite French pastry: ZouZou’s croustillions
Favorite food in Switzerland: Everything
Favorite store mascot: Blue Dog in Zurich
Favorite cathedral: Notre Dame
Favorite Parisian neighborhood: St. Michel
Favorite bierhalle: Rheinfelder in Zurich
Favorite high-fashion shopping experience: Chanel in Paris (I bought nail polish.)
Favorite walk in Paris: Left Bank, along the Seine
Favorite scooter ride: Through the countryside just outside of Florence
Favorite foreign swear word: “Merde!”
Favorite train ride: Milano to Zurich, through the Alps
Favorite subway system: Paris’ Metro
Favorite hotel room: Domus Florentiae, Firenze
Favorite lodging: Our 7th floor flat in Paris near the Bastille
Favorite painting: Botticelli’s Birth of Venus at the Uffizi in Florence
Favorite awestruck moment: Seeing da Vinci’s “The Last Supper” in Milan
Favorite holiday decoration: The nighttime snowflakes projected in blue and white onto a castle-like museum in Zurich
Favorite new drink: Pesca! (peach iced tea)
Favorite bookstore: Gilbert Jeune in Paris
Favorite new dress: A black one. From Paris. Of course.
Favorite airport: Zurich
Favorite traveling companion: Boy
Favorite homecoming moment: LeeLoo’s out-of-control butt wiggle dance when we picked her up at the kennel.

Obviously, it was the best vacation of all time. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some more recovering to do. (read: TiVo)

-Lo, who left most of her heart in Paris, but sprinkled little red bits of it elsewhere along the way.

Sing It

Mood: Oh So Busy
Drinking: Morning Cuppa

They say “time flies” but they lie. Because you can watch things fly — birds, planes, men in tights. But time? Time moves so fast, it just melts away and you don’t even notice until another month has disappeared and a new picture appears on the calendar.

Sometimes I can’t believe how much of the year is gone already. It certainly didn’t wait around for me to get my bearings.

And there is so much going on here, so much to do. I’m in the midst of editing cinepoem #13, planning the shoot for cinepoem #14, and trying to pry open my brain and pour thoughts into ink for a big “talk” I’m giving in a few months in Alabama. (So much to say, but how do I say it?)

Then there’s the quick (and much-needed!) girlfriend vacation I’m taking with S and the longer, bigger trip to Europe (Italy, Switzerland, France) with Boy. My sister is moving up north (hooray!), LeeLoo needs her bordatella vaccine, and there are no less than seven unfinished poems sitting on my desktop.

And in the middle of all this, K and I are working, working, working on Book Number Two, with chapter one nailed down and chapters two, three and four in the works. We are determined to finish it by Christmas, but I look at the calendar now and, my god! Christmas is well within reach — any day now they’ll be hanging holly and red in the windows of downtown department stores and the California Santas will be ringing their bells on street corners whilst wearing fake beards and shorts.

It’s all going by so fast, so fast.

So instead of finishing a poem or that pile of freelance writing that’s sitting over there on the dining room table, instead of even combing my hair and peeling off my pajamas, here I am sitting in the morning sun with the Loo sleeping on one side and my half-finished peanut butter toast waiting on the other, blogging (yes, I’ve admitted it now) about nothing, really. Nothing that will change the revolution of the earth, but it feels good to bang on the keyboard, anyway.

So here’s my bit of nothing on this gorgeous October morning while November breathes down my neck and December starts cracking her candy cane knuckles:

The soundtrack of my life. Yes. Silly. Inane. But such a great time-taker-upper. I saw it first on my sister-in-law’s blog, and decided to try it for fun. The results were uncanny and sometimes astonishing, but above all, entertaining and so here it is…

The list of life “events” was provided. As instructed, I opened my iTunes, set it to shuffle, and then wrote down the first heading as a song began to play. Then I moved on to the next heading during the next song. It’s all random, you see, as you let your iTunes score the soundtrack — and my iTunes, at least, turned out to be pretty damn good at the song-picking thing, as you can see from the snippets of lyrics I’m providing, just to prove my point. Here we go…

OPENING CREDITS: Medication by Garbage (Version 2.0)
“I’ve got to make a point these days to extricate myself.”
[I think it’s quite appropriate that Shirley gets the opening credits. Love. Her.]

WAKING UP: Strange Little Girl by Tori Amos (Strange Little Girls)
“One day you see a strange little girl feeling blue.”
[Tori always gets it right.]

FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL: You Stick It In Me by I Am X (Kiss + Swallow)
“I have blood, so hurt me.”
[Isn’t that the mantra for nerds and weirdos everywhere?]

FALLING IN LOVE: The Fragile by Nine Inch Nails (The Fragile)
“We’ll find the perfect place to go where we can run and hide. I’ll build a wall and we can keep them on the other side.”
[Actually, the song right before this on the album (We’re In This Together) was played at my wedding reception. Long live NIN!]

FIGHT SONG: All the Rage by Massivivid (Dressed to the Nines, Armed to the Teeth)
“You think you’re all the rage, ‘cuz mine can’t be contained. But at least I’ll make a few dollars from my pain.”
[Massivivid was my old friend Franky‘s band, and this song was actually written about a particular person who caused quite a few fights in my life, so it’s rather creepy with the appropo!]

BREAKING UP: Limp by Fiona Apple (When the Pawn…)
“You fondle my trigger then you blame my gun.”
[One of my favorite lyrics ever, and very true when it comes to infighting in relationships.]

PROM: Breath Control by Recoil feat. Nicole Blackman (Liquid)
“Every woman has an itch and every nice girl secretly wants to switch.”
[Funny that a poem about kinky sex is the trax for “prom”.]

LIFE: Long Hard Road out of Hell by Marilyn Manson (Spawn Soundtrack)
“To be this young I’m oh so scared. I wanna live, I wanna love, but its a long hard road out of hell.”
[I once knew a girl who would play AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell” every morning on her way to work. Not a great way to start your day, really.]

CAREER: An Angel Went Up in Flames by The Gas Band (Brokeback Mountain Soundtrack)
no lyrics…just noise
[One of my favorite movies…and an odd song to show b/c I *hate* country music. But this is all fiddlin’ and foot stompin’, which is much like my job, so that’s ok.]

MENTAL BREAKDOWN: I Go Crazy by Flesh for Lulu (Dome Room trax)
“This city’s mad in the head and sick in the soul.”
[Every time I hear this song, I think of Melvyn flailing about the dance floor at the Dome Room, back in the day.]

DRIVING: Stars by Lacuna Coil (HalfLife EP)
“We’ll take our hearts outside, leave our lives behind, I’ll watch the stars go out…”
[My fave Italian band, always good for road tripping.]

FLASHBACK: Always by Erasure (I Say I Say I Say)
“Am I here in vain? Hold on to the night. There will be no shame.”
[Of course, there must be an 80s song for the flashback!]

GETTING BACK TOGETHER: Come As You Are by Nirvana (Nevermind)
“Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be.”
[‘Cuz isn’t that what getting back together is all about?]

WEDDING: Song for You by Katie Yearick (Demo)
“You feel like home when I’ve got no place else to run to. You occupy the vacancy behind my smile.”
[Wow. That’s weird. A long time ago, my friend Katie wrote this song for her sister, my sister, and me. And she sang it at my wedding!]

BIRTH OF A CHILD: One Day by Bjork (Debut)
“One day it will happen, one day it’ll all come true.”
[One day, indeed.]

MIDLIFE CRISIS: Spark by Tori Amos (From the Choirgirl Hotel)
“She’s addicted to nicotine patches. She’s afraid of a light in the dark. 6:58 are you sure where my spark is?”
[Tori wrote this song about her miscarriage. Hope that’s not what my midlife crisis will be about.]

FINAL BATTLE: Golgotha Tenement Blues by Machines of Loving Grace (The Crow Soundtrack)
“I am the city. I am the park. I am glow in the motherfucking dark.”
[In the midst of battle, it’s good to have the Crow on your side.]

DEATH SCENE: A Pain That I’m Used To by Depeche Mode (Playing the Angel)
“I’m not sure what I’m looking for anymore. I just know that I’m harder to console.”
[No soundtrack of my life would be complete without the Mode.]

FUNERAL SCENE: Like You by Evanescence (The Open Door)
“I long to be like you, lie cold in the ground like you. There’s room inside for two and I’m not grieving for you. I’m coming for you.”
[There she is! I was wondering when Amy would show up, and she comes at the end with the best song.]

That was fun. Now I have to put some real clothes on and extricate myself from the Internet. Au revoir.

-Lo, who likes to sing the theme song to Weeds — “Little boxes on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky tacky…”

Heresy Is Such a Harsh Word

Mood: vacation-starved
Drinking: room-temperature water

I’ve been having discussions lately, email discussions, with a pastor named Mike from Alabama. They’ve been friendly discussions. Honest. Surprising, even. And yeah, I’d go so far to say they’ve been refreshing. With the exception of my friend DZ (who is also a man of the cloth), I haven’t had very many refreshing discussions with reverends over the course of my life.

Mike-from-Alabama asked me an interesting question the other day, and I had so much fun answering it, I thought I’d go bother the Internet with the results.

He asked, “If Jesus was sitting across from you, what would you ask him?”

I thought I’d have a million and one instant questions zinging through my head, but it actually took me quite a while to come up with a few that I felt like sharing. (Some things are better left in my head.)

So here are my top 20 questions for Jesus (and yes, I’d actually say the F word. It’s not like he hasn’t heard it from me before)…

1. Have you disowned George Bush yet?
2. Are you ever surprised by the depth of human depravity, or did you get used to it a long time ago?
3. The American Church: Modern Pharisees? Which is to say, if you were here today, would you overturn some tables?
4. When you lived on earth, did you have a dog?
5. Which pisses you off more, people saying “JesusFuckingChrist!” or people who use your name as a cloak of self-righteousness?
6. Are you really a virgin?
7. And in a related question, what’s the real story about you and Mary Magdalene?
8. Do you ever regret the whole “free will” thing?
9. Was David a “man after God’s own heart” because he was such an honest mess?
10. Gay marriage. Pro?
11. So when are you coming back, exactly? Is it a wait-and-see-how-bad-it-gets sort of thing, or do you already have it scheduled?
12. Why do you love me?
13. Did you think we’d do better than this, or did you expect us to fuck up the world this badly?
14. Faith. Hope. Love. Shouldn’t you have said that Love was the hardest?
15. Scarier political climate: Rome, B.C. or Washington D.C.?
16. How badly have Christians misquoted you, over the centuries?
17. If you were in a band, would you be the lead singer or the bass player? (And what would you call your band?)
18. Two thousand and six years later, have we completely missed the point?
19. What does Heaven smell like?
20. When it all comes down, in the end, will you give me answers, or will you leave me forever wondering?

-Lo, who thinks Heaven smells of violets in the rain, freshly-baked bread, horse barns, and Boy’s neck.

Two-Hand Fluke

Mood: Itchy, Scratchy!
Drinking: Stale Tea

Things I have only recently discovered you really need two working hands to accomplish with any measure of success:

1. Ponytailing one’s own hair. Or anyone else’s, really.
2. Walking one’s dog past a growly Rottweiler. (Or, let’s face it, a growly teacup poodle.)
3. Typing with some semblance of speed.
4. Buttoning one’s own jeans.
5. Assembling two-piece earrings. (The ones with hooks are A-OK.)
6. Opening jars of pickles. Or bottles of water. Or jars of jam. Or anything requiring any variation of the hold-and-twist maneuver.
7. Talking on the cell whilst typing.
8. Talking on the cell whilst driving.
9. Talking on the cell whilst walking the dog.
10. Talking on the cell whilst doing anything other than talking on the cell.
11. Shaving the armpit that belongs to the arm that still works.
12. Socks. Socks are bitches.
13. Tights. See above re: socks.
14. Tying one’s shoes.
15. Zipping any damn zipper.
16. Drying one’s back.
17. Applying fingernail polish to all 10 fingers.
18. Making a sandwich.
19. Flat-ironing hair.
20. Curling hair.
21. Doing much of anything at all to make hair even remotely attractive.
22. We aren’t even going to discuss one-handed bra handling.
23. Pouring liquid from a container which does not have a handle.
24. Sweeping.
25. Shoveling.
26. Scooping.
27. Digging.
28. Clapping.
29. Squeezing.
30. Waltzing.
31. Swimming.
32. Bicycling.
33. Motorcycling. (Alas, Shirley has been dust-covered!!)
34. Eyebrow tweezing.
35. Nose blowing.
36. Putting change away speedily at checkout counter while other customers huff impatiently behind you.
37. Eating a burrito, sans fork.
38. Peeling a banana.
39. Carrying popcorn, milk duds, AND soda into movie theater. (Without spillage!)
40. Flipping the double bird.
41. Giving two thumbs up.
42. Throwing both hands in the air and waving them about as if one doesn’t even care.

And I could go on, but it’s just getting ridiculous.

Mark this date down and circle it twice: Thursday, April 6th, 2006. The day the cast comes OFF!

I know my new robot arm won’t be completely functional by then but damn! It will feel so good to straighten out my elbow.

-Lo, who does, indeed, enjoy cheese with her whine.

I’m It

Mood: Busywork
Drinking: Schnapple

It’s time for a lazy post. It’s rainy outside. It’s boring inside. And my sister-in-law tagged me to do this little survey-questionnaire-trivia-thingie and I’m feeling the Mondays (even though it’s a Wednesday), so I’m all over it.

Fun and meaningless trivia for you…

Four Jobs I’ve Had
1. Horse Wrangler. Although it sounds more sexy than it actually was. A lot of my wrangling time was spent coralling my riding instructor’s daughter, who was fond of dancing on the coffee table while wearing cowboy boots and singing “Leader of the Pack” at the highest volume setting.
2. Dairy Queen Chick. Just doin’ the cones… make sundaes, make blizzards an’ put stuff on ’em. Sometimes people just came by for a Coke…*
(*name that movie!)
3. Newspaper Reporter. A la Lois Lane. Only there was no Clark to my Lois, and it turns out that I was lacking in my Nancy Drew abilities. (Which is to say, I wasn’t nosy enough.) And also, the pay sucked.
4. Cookie Namer. “Hob Nob” oatmeal cookies and “Dark Chocolate Imperials” are among my favorites.

Four Movies to Watch Repeatedly
1. Serenity. Joss Whedon’s space western is out on DVD now and I’m wearing a groove in it.
2. Donnie Darko. “Smurfs are asexual. They don’t even have reproductive organs under those little white pants.”
3. Run Lola Run. I have the soundtrack, too.
4. The Fifth Element. LeeLoo Dallas Multipass!

Four Cities of Residence
1. Dixon, Illinois. Hometown of Ronald Reagan. No, seriously.
2. Virginia Beach, Virginia. The beachfront McDonalds-es don’t make you wear a shirt OR shoes to get your cheeseburger.
3. Indianapolis, Indiana. Three months only, for a fellowship at The Indianapolis Star. I’ve never seen so many rednecks in pickup trucks. I still have nightmares.
4. San Francisco, California. And I’m not leaving.

Four Favorite TV Shows
1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Dearly departed.
2. Dead Like Me. Oh, to be a Grim Reaper.
3. The Daily Show. Who doesn’t love Jon Stewart?
4. Veronica Mars. My substitute Buffy. With 09ers instead of vampires.

Four Vacation Destinations
1. West Virginia. We drove there in a camper when I was 10 to visit family friends, including the woman who gave me my middle name. She had twin sons, Garrett and Jared. We had a little love triangle, where I was crushing on Garrett, but Jared was crushing on me. (And no, they were NOT identical. That would have made things much easier!)
2. The 4-H Fair. Every summer for 10 years, my dad took a week off work and we camped out at the fair, rushing between the horse show (where I never did very well because my horse, Fantasia, was psychotic), the goat show (all our goats were named after flowers), the dog show (my beagle, Mitzi, won obedience trophies and my cocker spaniel, Biskit, totally cleaned up in the showmanship department), and the sheep barn (NOT the smartest animals).
3. Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Honeymooning!
4. Italy. As you well know, if you read this thing at all.

Four Web Sites I Visit Daily
1. Overheard in New York. Truth is not only stranger than fiction, it’s funnier.
2. Go Fug Yourself. A couple of wicked bitches after my own twisted little heart.
3. The Wicker Chronicles. My friend G is fucking brilliant. I keep trying to tell the world.
4. My Space. Stop looking at me that way.

Four Favorite Foods
1. Thai. Especially red curry.
2. Bagels. An everything toasted, with cream cheese.
3. Berries. Specifically strawberries and red raspberries.
4. Pickles. I’m really into bread and butter pickles right now. And by “into”, I mean I can eat an entire jar in 1 day. (No, Tater, I am NOT pregnant!)

Four Places I’d Rather Be Right Now
1. At home. On the couch. Curled up with the Loo. Watching a movie. With Boy in the kitchen, cooking up something scandalous for dinner.
2. Venice, Italy. Again and again.
3. Shopping on Melrose in Hollywood with my sister.
4. Wandering New York with the Boy. I know I just did that last month, but it never gets old.

Four Bloggers Who Have to Answer These Same Questions, or Kittens Will Die. Or Something.
1. Trin will totally do this. Right, sweets?
2. SnickySnackity. Save the kittens! Save them!
3. Ms. Crafty. I know you want to.
4. Homoheretic. Giiiirl, I know you need another update to make up for those long months of internet silence!

And I’m spent.

-Lo, who totally has ants in the pants today. Time to play hooky!