October 2005 – LaDonnaWitmer

The Best Cheerleader Is a Dead Cheerleader

Mood: Spooky
Drinking: Haunted water

Halloween was always a bust when I was a child. But I didn’t really know what I was missing. We lived waaaaay out in the country and never got any trick or treaters. My school discouraged dressing up (unless you came as some character from the Bible)and most neighbors either weren’t within walking distance or would sooner give us carrots than candy. So. Not big with the ghouls and goblins back before I grew boobs.

But now? Now, with the boobs and the city-living and the adult-ness? Now I am ALL ABOUT October 31. I’ve got quite a stash of costumes in my closet, but this year I had to recycle last year’s…with a twist. Last year me and the Loondog were Anarchy Cheerleaders. This year I am an Anarchy Cheerleader again, but I am dead.

My friends and fellow worker drones, K and S, are also cheerleaders, but from rival schools. So the story is that we all killed each other in a fit of peppy pride. Or we were all trying to screw the same football dude. Or something. (I never was a cheerleader, so I’m not entirely sure how these situations work.)

So I’m dead from a knife to the neck (lots of gooey blood), K got run over (large tire track across perky uniform), and S took a bullet to the brainpan (squish!). We expect to be awarded a nice gift certificate or something for our pains and fake blood.

Happy Halloweenie!

In even more self-absorbed news, I got tagged by one of those blogosphere things, and must answer some questions, as follows:

FIVE THINGS I PLAN TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. Write more.
2. Read more.
3. Travel more.
4. Buy more Mary Janes.
5. Cut my damn hair off! (It’s getting ridiculously long.)

FIVE THINGS I CAN DO
1. Ride a horse. (8 years of english riding lessons, thankyouverymuch)
2. Ride a motorcycle.
3. Knit, sew, and mosaic. (They don’t deserve separate line items b/c they are all in the “crafty” category.)
4. Poetry SLAM, baby.
5. Do the goth dance. (Catch the bat, love the bat, release the bat).

FIVE THINGS I CANNOT DO
1. Vote Republican.
2. Wear Lee Press On Nails.
3. Listen to the White Stripes.
4. Talk smack about Angelina.
5. Buy a pet snake.

FIVE THINGS THAT ATTRACT ME TO THE OPPOSITE SEX
1. Tattoos.
2. Piercings.
3. Black eyeliner.
4. Motorcycle boots.
5. A really good laugh.

FIVE THINGS I SAY MOST OFTEN
1. “Fuck!”
2. “Shut up?”
3. “Hey, Bruce.”
4. “LeeLoo, sing!”
5. “Dooooooooooooooon’t.”

FIVE CELEBRITY CRUSHES
1. Franka Potente.
2. Johnny Depp.
3. Charlize Theron.
4. Asia Argento.
5. Well, of course, Angelina.
6. This one dude who’s name I cannot remember, but I WILL. And when I do, I shall write it down, because I know the Internet is just DYING to know who it is.

-Lo, who thinks that every day should at least have some halloween potential, with the black eyeliner and stompy boots and whatnot.

Aeon Crush

Mood: Reports of slight drooling
Drinking: Water

Back in my college days, in the days of my guitar-strumming, pot-smoking, NIN-loving, star-gazing, stupid-friend-having first boyfriend, I was introduced to (among other thing) Liquid Television.

This was back before TRL and Ashanti and Bam Margera and all the shallow MTV shit that the kids love these days. This was back when the Real World was new and Julie the virgin wanted to be a dancer and Eddie Vedder hadn’t yet lost his cool. Or his flannel.

Liquid Television was weird and confusing and slightly dangerous. (Remember the bubble sound?) Especially when it came to an assassin named Aeon Flux. I’ve lost count of the nights I spent mesmerized in the blue glow, curled on a cracked leather couch in the basement of first boyfriend’s house, surrounded by all the paraphernalia of his rock band…guitar stands and keyboards and crumpled bits of rejected wrapping papers. And Aeon Flux with her big, big guns.

So I am DEFINITELY looking forward to being mesmerized all over again, come December, (only in front of a silver screen this time) as the ever-fabulous Charlize Theron brings an even sexier Aeon Flux to town.

Be still my heart.

-Lo, who was done for as soon as she heard about Charlize dyeing her blonde hair black.

Back to Insanity

Mood: Running on vapors
Drinking: The usual poison

Returning to the real world is proving to be more difficult than I thought. It’s my 2nd Monday back in the swing since returning from the lands across the sea, and I still feel fuzzy about the brainpan.

Can’t blame it on jet lag anymore. Not reliably, anyway. But I may be able to blame it on my weekend of geek theater ecstasy, since I saw both Neil Gaiman’s MirrorMask (gorgeous) and Joss Whedon’s Serenity (orgasmic). So I’m lost somewhere between the streets of flying fishes and River’s ballet of Reaver death. And if you understand none of that, I guess you’re not a true geek. Which is good or bad, depending on your point of view.

I think I need to see both movies a dozen or more times to thoroughly saturate myself in the otherworlds, but I do have a living to make and so here I am, deskbound, procrastinating by babbling incoherently. Fun!

About the Italian adventure…my real world friends should prepare themselves for an avalanche of photos, coming to inboxes soon via Ofoto. For the virtual world, though, I’ll condense it to a list of highlights, since I am as yet unable to post photos here. Consider yourselves starcrossed.

When In Rome…
– Be sure to eat not only pizza and pasta, but nectarines from fresh air fruitstands like the one on Via Imperiali. Juicy and delicious.
– Rent a scooter, if you dare. We did and I found myself alternating between laughing maniacally while speeding in between moving buses and swearing incoherently (ohfuckohfuckohfuck!) while trying to maneuver my way out of a traffic circle. It was great fun!
– Marvel at the Sistine Chapel. Not just the ceiling, either. God and Adam are just part of the crowd.
– Get a tattoo near Vatican City from a man named Massimo who speaks no English. When it’s finished, smile and tell him “Bellissimo!” He will laugh at you, but you won’t care at all.
– Touch the stones of the Colosseum and wonder who was touching these same stones on the other side of 2,000 years or so.
– Make friends with the stray cats, but don’t let them follow you home.
– Imagine the Roman men dressed in Centurion outfits. You won’t be disappointed.
– Instead of throwing coins in Trevi Fountain, throw yourself in. It’s more fun. (I should have taken my own advice on this one.)
– Eat all the pizza you can stomach.

The Five Wonders of the Cinque Terre
1. Steps. So many stone steps.
2. The water is bluer than the sky.
3. Follow every path you see because you never know what kind of wonders lie at the end of it. Or not. But either way, you’re walking off all that Roman pizza!
4. The cats know many secrets.
5. Don’t miss Vernazza — it’s the best of the five towns.

Venice Must Be Seen To Be Believed
* Streets of water are even more beautiful in person than in all the books you’ve ever read.
* St. Mark’s Square is better in the early morning hours, shrouded in mist and empty of people. The pigeons are always waiting, though.
* Rent an apartment between St. Mark’s and the Rialto bridge. Never leave it without applying red, red lipstick.
* When taking a gondola ride, be sure to do so at dusk. None of your photos will turn out, but some pictures are better in your head, anyway.
* Mask shopping is a must. You should go into every shop you see, find a favorite, and visit it three days in a row. Then when you make a purchase, be sure to buy at least four.
* Internet cafes are magical.
* Don’t be fooled by the creme-stuffed canolis and their sultry red cherries. Try the apple-filled ones instead.
* Avoid the Rialto bridge at noon unless you want to be caught in a sweaty tourist sandwich.
* Get lost. Over and over and over.
* Ride the public boat for at least an hour, just to see what you can see.
* The mosquitos in the shower are actually tiny vampires. You won’t feel them bite, but they will leave a mark that lasts for a week or more.
* Leave your windows open at night so you can hear the drunk gondoliers singing Italian opera as they float down the canal outside your apartment. (The mosquitoes are already inside, anyway.)
* Gwen Stefani looks better on Italian MTV.
* Ricky Martin is SO gay. You know this without a doubt after seeing his new music video five times in a row sometime in the middle of the night.
* Decide that watching old Italian men arguing is your new favorite hobby.
* You don’t have to go to Murano to buy pockets full of glass.
* It’s ok to dream of Venice, as long as your heart is still in San Francisco.

Five Things You Should Do In London When You Only Have 25 Hours
1. Sleep.
2. Walk to Buckingham Palace.
3. “Look kids! Big Ben. Parliament.”
4. Ride the London Eye, but try to get in a pod with the German tourists. The Americans are too annoying.
5. Eat pub food. Not just fish and chips, either. Try the bangers and mash.

– Lo, who’s already planning her next overseas adventure. How about a hike to Count Dracula’s Castle, eh?