mood: quiet | drinking: water
With the exception of one poem called “Good Dog,” written shortly after LeeLoo’s death, all the poems I’ve written in the last nine months have been all about this change, this life, brewing inside of me.
That includes a series of 13 poems titled after fruits and vegetables, starting with “Kidney Bean” and ending with “Pumpkin”… the idea being that the size of the titular piece of produce corresponded with the size of the little one in my womb.
Someday I’ll publish all 13, but I thought now was a good time to post the final poem in the series. So here you are…
I bare my toes to the ocean
and wait for the waves,
salty and cool against my skin
steady and measured inside my womb.
There are women
who proudly tell stories
of profanity in the labor room,
of squeezing fingers to pulp, of
screaming fault lines
at the nearest person
possessed of a penis,
of blood, chaos and drama.
But in Room 203 I am falling in love,
knowing we have never been together
quite like we are on this night.
They tell me to push just one more time
and I find his eyes and bear down
quivering with effort.
“That’s great, now do it again,”
they say, and I do and I do and I do
and I think “This will never end.”
But it does, in a rush, and you slide
purple and wailing from that world
He sees you before I do, and turns to me,
eyes welling with the wonder
of having finally met
the person you made
and finding her utterly perfect.
I am halfway to the drugstore
when I remember
you are no longer with me.
After 10 months of cohabitation
the shock of your absence
A song comes on the radio
that has nothing to do with us
but I weep nonetheless
for the sorrow of solitude
and the joy of delivery.
(written September 1st and 2nd, technically weeks 40 & 41)
-Lo, with a little less writing time on my hands.