Doggone

Mood: Dirty
Drinking: Daquiri

Two dogs too many.

That’s what I have.

For the past 2 weeks, I’ve been dogsitting McKinna, my sister’s extremely huge, panda-headed hound. (The one on the right.)

She’s very sweet and adorable, as you can see. But, and I know I’ve said this before — it bears repeating — DUMB AS A BOX OF VERY DULL ROCKS.

The good thing is that she’s too thick to know how strong she is, so she flops around like a tiny puppy, knocking over anything (or anyone) in her way, and then gets her feelings really hurt when you tell her to knock it off. If her wee brain was a bit larger and she knew that she’s got the muscles of the Incredible Hulk, well, I’d be in a world of hurtin’. There’d be no listening when I tell her to “Leave! Me! Alone!”

She’d just be all, “Oh, yeah, tiny lady? WHO’S GONNA MAKE ME?!” And then she’d want to arm wrassle and when I’d try to run away, she’d pin me to the rug with her four ginormous puppy paws (the size of Christmas hams, they are) and lick my face right off.

Her mum and pop are coming back tomorrow, and I’m sure the Loon and I will miss balancing our tea cups on top of her outlandishly large noggin and saying things like, “Pffft! She’s sooooo immature!” (I just know that’s what LeeLoo’s thinking when she sits demurely on the couch watching all the shenanigans. She’s very adept at the eye roll and put-upon sigh.)

I, for one, will not miss the roughhousing, though. McKinna is a man’s dog, and I am clearly not man enough for her. She’s gonna go home and tell all her friends that her aunt is “so boring” and “a total stick in the mud” and “like, such a crabby beyotch! I hate going to her house.”

At least she’s learned a new trick. Now in addition to “sit” and “high five”, my large fur niece will return home knowing exactly how to “fuck off!”

-Lo, who really does love that damn dog.