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The Jumping of the Shark

Mood: adamant
Drinking: one guess

Heads up to all the things on the following list: I am over you. Even if I was never into you in the first place, I am SO OVER you now.

You make me want to harm small children. You make me want to stick my head in a bucket of dirty mop water. You make me want to run through Mikasa with a brick bat. You make me want to rip the heads off small teddy bears and set them afire.

You have so jumped the shark! Consider this your final warning. The door is to your left.

The List
* Reality television and it so-called stars
* Starbucks
* Ashton Kutcher
* Gap commercials
* “Creative” ringtones
* Hate blogs
* Fat guys in hawaiian shirts
* Loud talkers
* Close talkers
* Jesus fish
* Bright yellow H2s
* Any color H2, actually
* Pit bull prejudice
* Muni riders who sit on my front step and wait for the train
* Litterbugs
* Public Nosepickers
* Nosehair
* Visible thongs
* Butt ruffles
* Paris Hilton
* People who ridicule war protesters
* Mudslides
* Hair extensions
* Manic Panic (it doesn’t last long enough!)
* That Sugar Ray buffoon
* Changing the name of your company (hello, ofoto!)
* Newsboy caps
* Hilary Duff
* Fellow fliers who ask what you’re reading when you obviously have zero interest in conversation
* Poetry slam voice
* Platform flip-flops
* French manicures
* The Bush administration
* The Da Vinci Code
* Sarah Jessica Parker
* Horrible hip hop lyrics
* Lindsay Lohan’s boobs
* Lindsay Lohan
* Blogs with consistently horrible spelling. (I’m not an grammar autocrat. Occasional spelling errors happen to everyone. But when you can’t spell anything right, ever, maybe you should just stop. Or consult a dictionary. Please!)
* Jewel’s “poetry”
* Writing f**k. Just spell it out. FUCK! What’s the difference?
* Brad and Angelina rumors
* And while I’m at it, Jennifer Aniston
* Burberry anything
* Tazmanian devil tattoos
* Gas prices
* Red State/Blue State
* Arnold’s delusions of future White House glory
* Body builders (speaking of Arnold)
* P.M. Bay Bridge traffic
* The cat vs. dog argument
* Ashley Simpson’s acid reflux
* Playboy playmates
* People who sing along at concerts so loudly that you can’t hear the people you actually paid to see sing
* In the same vein, people who make noise in movie theaters
* People who think Marilyn Monroe was fat
* Pamela Anderson’s hair
* Women who think Mick Jagger is still hot
* Michael Jackson.
* Court TV
* Anything approved by Oprah
* Hurricanes
* “Stale incense, old sweat and lies, lies, lies!”
* Frat boys in goth clubs. This. Is. Not. Your. Scene!
* Frat boys, anywhere
* Personalized license plates that state the model of your car. Original.
* Saying something is the new something (“pink is the new black”, etc.)
* Prince Charles and Camilla
* Britney and Kevin
* Cheetos
* Mosquitoes
* “Hella”
* Ugg boots
* Earthquakes
* Beauty pageants for little girls
* Beauty pageants for anybody
* People who ask if your tattoo/piercing/scarification hurt
* Christian “rock”
* Take-your-kid-to-work-and-let-them-run-the-halls-screaming Day
* Ludakris
* The Rivers women and their plastic surgeries
* Paparazzi
* Celebrity baby/breakup/wedding rumors
* Acceptable anorexia (speaking of celebrities)
* Everybody Loves Raymond (except me)
* Chick fiction with shoes on the cover
* Homophobia
* Faded hair color
* Irrational fanaticism disguised as “patriotism”
* Tsunamis
* Stale pretzels at the movie theater
* Wadrobe malfunctions
* American fucking Idol!
* Lists that go on for way too long

-Lo, who could go on and on but has to start thinking of a list of things that don’t annoy now, just to balance out the universe.

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